Diary Entry July 5

Not doing well still. My stomach feels like a big ball. So digusting.
How am I supposed to deal with all of this?
-$1,000 debt (medical bills, some misc stuff). More bills to be seen I am sure.
-Distrust of the medical community. It seems whatever they want to do is met with my questions and zero belief in what they say to do
-This diet and supplements. I worry about everything I put in my mouth. The food I eat isn’t healthy because my thoughts are so toxic
-I feel like no one wants to really listen
-Nothing to hold on to-except Brian and I am pulling him down with me
-I feel like an awful person because:
my ratios are all screwed up (from my hair analysis) my mother says I’m an addict
I can’t/don’t do this diet perfectly I make bad choices about everything it seems
-a neighbor/friend says I am not Charity anymore
-I dislike teaching (fitness). Other options-recording my voice and/or video has not gone well. Not sure I want a studio/rental thing for teaching
-I am unskilled for anything else. I have “focused” myself into a worthlessness
-My dogs keep peeing in my house and on the deck. I spend so much time yelling at them and putting them in their crates

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