I had a breakdown yesterday morning because I was upset with people. I make plans to do things, they say they want to go, they say they will and then they don’t show up, let me know if plans change or help with anything. It’s like I have to hold their hand and they are adults perfectly capable of input and intelligence! I love making plans but a little bit of positive input would be grand. I even made plans for an 11-year old and she could have cared less! I thought apathy came with age but apparently not. Most frustrating and infuriating. When did people become so emotionally dull? Are they afraid to get excited because of past disappointments? Are they fearful of what others will think if they do a happy dance about an activity? Guess what people-NOBODY CARES! Everybody is too worried about what others think of them to even look at you as you break it down with joy. Might as well dance through life and have people think you are crazy than mope through it. Both of them take the same amount of energy. So come on!!!
I called Mr. H to vent-I need a better way to ‘deal’ with my issues instead of calling him. He is so understanding and sweet though. I wonder if he is saying to himself “my crazy wife is calling me to scream about life, what is it today, there she goes!” He handles it so well. Thank you Mr. H-love you lots!
So I decided I would NOT plan things for/with other people. Just another frustration that I don’t need right now. I KNOW 90% of the people that I plan stuff with will not step up (this has happened three years in a row now and every year I say I am not going to make summer plans for others and every year I try again-and I wonder why I am losing my mind!). It’s really makes me sad though, I enjoy making plans and having groups to enjoy the activities. Is it my perfection getting in the way? Am I too attached to the outcome (others showing up when, where they said they would with an enthusiastic attitude)? Hmm…
My mother says I need to take a break and focus on me. She says I need to stop feeling guilty and make myself a priority. Be happy with just me. I don’t like me, I don’t want to be alone with her-she is a little off! However, I realize my mother is right-she is so wise! I just need to apply these things!