Spawners II

I just looked and my birth control pills run out in two months. I do not want to be taking synthetic hormones but I do not want kids (obviously). Other contraceptions do not have quite the guarantee pills do and I am not ready to take that risk. For which part of my health? If I keep taking them I increase my risk for female cancers, does not help my MS, does not help my journey to a less-chemical existence. Yet, if I stop taking them I would be constantly worried about getting pregnant, wondering if I am pregnant, I cannot trust my husband to take care of contraception (I tried that and that is the main reason I am married today), not wanting to have sex because of the risk. If I ended up pregnant, I don’t even want to think about where that would lead me. Down a path I have been trying my entire life to stay off of-the path of commoners. The path of everyone else. I have fought to stay away from it but look where I am now-not happily married, in a house that is a hole, with responsibilities up the a**, not enough money, a disease and basically in the same sinking boat as 99% of the people out there.

I am off to escape with wine and Austin Powers.

When did my life become so ordinarily awful?

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One thought on “Spawners II

  1. I'm angry today, too. Blood sugars 400. Can't sleep b/c of my sugars. Can't eat b/c of my sugars. Can't LIVE. UGGGGGGGGGG. I'm so angry at my disease right now. And I feel like no one understands—sometimes not even God who is all knowing. Yuck! Blah! Curse words! Ok, I'm being dramatic. Anyway, I get what you are saying about birth control. We actually discussed it yesterday and have no good answers. I do not want to get preg. So, now what? Continue on the pills? Get sterilized? But what will that do to my body? We need to get together….

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