Spawners II

I just looked and my birth control pills run out in two months. I do not want to be taking synthetic hormones but I do not want kids (obviously). Other contraceptions do not have quite the guarantee pills do and I am not ready to take that risk. For which part of my health? If I keep taking them I increase my risk for female cancers, does not help my MS, does not help my journey to a less-chemical existence. Yet, if I stop taking them I would be constantly worried about getting pregnant, wondering if I am pregnant, I cannot trust my husband to take care of contraception (I tried that and that is the main reason I am married today), not wanting to have sex because of the risk. If I ended up pregnant, I don’t even want to think about where that would lead me. Down a path I have been trying my entire life to stay off of-the path of commoners. The path of everyone else. I have fought to stay away from it but look where I am now-not happily married, in a house that is a hole, with responsibilities up the a**, not enough money, a disease and basically in the same sinking boat as 99% of the people out there.

I am off to escape with wine and Austin Powers.

When did my life become so ordinarily awful?


One thought on “Spawners II

  1. I'm angry today, too. Blood sugars 400. Can't sleep b/c of my sugars. Can't eat b/c of my sugars. Can't LIVE. UGGGGGGGGGG. I'm so angry at my disease right now. And I feel like no one understands—sometimes not even God who is all knowing. Yuck! Blah! Curse words! Ok, I'm being dramatic. Anyway, I get what you are saying about birth control. We actually discussed it yesterday and have no good answers. I do not want to get preg. So, now what? Continue on the pills? Get sterilized? But what will that do to my body? We need to get together….

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