I have not posted or written in a long time.
I have not missed it.
I have been trying to figure out what my angle is, what my niche is, who I am for goodness sake!
Nothing really has come to me, felt right, made me tingle with delight.
I have been listening to Steering by Starlight by Martha Beck (she rocks by the way! Your loss if you don’t check her stuff out). Today she was talking about (audiobooks from the library are awesome!) medicine men/shamans, those that have special “powers” to heal and help others. If a medicine man rejects and/or runs away from the calling to help, an ailment usually befalls them. A medical issue that only has a cure of doing the things they were made to do.
I have a medical issue. Multiple Sclerosis and it is rearing it’s hideous head again (after almost 2 years of silence). I have been having difficulty seeing out of my right eye. It started spotted, then it went almost completely black and now it is spotted again. Ugh.
Nothing like a bit of blindness to help one see. I needed the blackness to find my way to the light.
Or something cliche like that.
Mostly it ticks me off!
I DON’T DESERVE THIS!!
I CANNOT HANDLE ANOTHER SOMETHING COMPLICATING MY LIFE!!!!
I AM IN DENIAL!!!!
MS-I DON’T HAVE YOU, DIDN’T YOU GET THE MESSAGE?!?!?!?!
So I am constantly asking the Universe/God/Great Unknown
What am I doing here?! What is my purpose?!
Why can’t I just be rich and famous and everybody love me?!
Not too much to ask for, right?!
Can you hint the sarcasm and rhetorical questions in all of this?!
So, back to today. Listening to Ms. Beck while driving to a dog walk. A walk I take almost every Monday through Friday. I see others on my travels. A nod or hello as we do the stroll.
I passed a man who usually has a cheerful hello. A lightness in his step. A radiating happiness.
But NOT today.
He seemed somewhere else. Lost in thought. Sad.
I felt a twinge of concern. Kept walking.
I finished my walk, returned the four-legged furry friend who was accompanying me and drove toward home.
But something whispered.
Ask him if he is ok.
Give him a hug.
WHAT?! I am hearing voices now too?! So what does a normal person do when they hear voices?
Argue with them of course!
Nah, he is fine. I don’t need to stop. We aren’t friends. My hair is a mess (typing this makes me laugh-it’s always a mess!) What if he thinks I am stalking him. What if he says no? I don’t do hugs.
I continued driving but I kept hearing
Fine. Here’s the deal. I am not driving out of my way to hunt him down. I will go through the subdivision on my usual route and if I see him I will do, ummm, something. You have to leave me alone though, k? And fix my eye.
What do you know? I see him.
I stop the car.
Explained how he looked a little down and how he is usually the one spreading smiles. Wanted to make sure he was ok.
Then I asked if he wanted a hug.
(I think I had an out-of-body experience there)
He had a lot on his mind. He said yes to the hug.
On our opposite ways we went.
Created to cure. No. Created to CARE.
My eye is the same. My purpose is not clear.
But my heart is lighter. My eyes are filled with tears. A smile on my lips and in my soul.
Maybe (I hope) this is one small step closer to my purpose.
Meanwhile, I will listen to the voice (the one that tells me to hug someone, not the one who tells me to eat chocolate cake).
I will be still long enough to hear it more often.
Ironically, this all happened on Friday the 13th.
Hugging someone in the middle of the street. You should try it sometime. But not with me. 🙂
P.S. In my in-box today. I love her newsletters-always inspiring, though-provoking and usually life-changing.
A special message from Christine Hassler to you!
“One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began.” Mary Oliver
Your story is holding you back! CHOOSE to pry it away so that you can see what is underneath. Take a stroll down memory lane and instead of filling the tour with all the stuff that happened that you didn’t like, go on a treasure hunt!
Look for clues as to what your unique passion is by:
– Recalling what you loved to do and why you loved it
– Remembering what came naturally to you
– Considering what kind of experiences you had that taught you priceless lessons.
Your purpose has ALWAYS been within you. You have unique gifts and talents and the Uni-verse will always conspire WITH you to find the forms to express them as soon as you stop wrapping yourself up in the comfortable blanket of your story!!
There are gems of wisdom to discover within you.
Stop story-telling and start exploring!!!